I love me some April Fools’ Day and it is always so much better when a good prank comes to fruition (Just ask Matt about the turkey soda), beyond the pranks one of the things I actually look forward to is what Think Geek comes up with for their April Fools’ products. I get the feeling most of them are ideas they would like to implement and are just testing the waters, but I thought I would go back through the years list a few of the better items that I really wish existed or that I could afford.
We shall begin back in those Halcyon days of 2003 when Australia beat India by 125 runs to win the Cricket World Cup, when the thought of cooking meat next to your computer was a foreign thought to the world at large. Enter the George Foreman USB iGrill. This knock-out the fat USB powered grill was a dream come true to us lazy bastards who wanted to be able to cook a full meal while raiding in Everquest.
While I am the most tech savy on the show, I am also the most paranoid about technology. I don’t give out my phone number, I try to remove all images of me from the Internet, and I don’t trust any site that requires personal info to sign up, so in 2006 when the RFID Blocking Kit t-shirt was like a bastion of radio free safety in a world credit card stealing guns. While the idea of cutting a hole in my shirt to wrap around my RFID “enhanced” belongings is preposterous, I could always craft a pouch that would contain my things and wear behind the shield.
Have you ever moved an electronic device and realized “Damn, no wall outlet over here.”? Well, microwaves to the rescue! Another 2006 April Fools’ special was the Wireless Extension Cords. Plug one end in to a wall outlet and then let the magical killing powers of microwaves give you that extra distance you needed without all those pesky cords.
Have I mentioned I’m paranoid? Well, I have never thought long and hard on how to remove a “problem” with no evidence, and I certainly didn’t purchase the Ultimate Assassin’s Weapon Ice Mold when it was released in 2010.
Now on to 2012! This one’s for Matt. A Skyrim Electronic Battleshout Hoodie that has all the shouts prerecorded! Come on! Even if you don’t like Skyrim, you have to admit this thing looks pretty awesome.
Finally this leads me to the coup de grâce if you will. I lack all forms of emotion and have been called by friends a “soulless robot”, so all of your new fangled shirts with all the “Free Love” and “Team Jasper” mean nothing to me, but this, this Free Shrugs shirt I can get behind, hell I might just go out on a limb and say I am the originator of the free shrug.
So I have just proven that I am a consumer whore and would be better off spending my money on cat shelters in Africa.